“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, someone not everyone knows how to love.”
Warsan Shire
I have removed my expectation of reciprocation of love from others. Yes they are beholden to the same commandment of Love as I am. Yes they heard pastor when he said what our problem is as a church and how we need unity. Yes they have “Elder” or “Minister” in front of their names so they should be cognizant of their character, not to mention held to a higher standard. BUT! The only person I can control is myself and my reaction to what others do. I will not be able to stand before the throne and give the excuse of how they treated me in response to my failure to love.
When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them
It does not end with these words from Maya Angelou. What people eventually show you exposes their own vulnerabilities to a perfect love walk. We all have vulnerabilities (ways we’ve missed the mark of love), so allow the same grace I would like from others as I work through my own vulnerabilities. Do not shut folks out of the love I have to give because of their character flaws. Make room in my capacity to love for them also.
How?
- Do not get discouraged by how daunting of a task fulfilling everything love is - Remember, we are speaking of the CAPACITY (the room or space available) to love, not perfection. Do not go to the other extreme like we spoke of before and then throw your hands up when it is impossible to reach that polar opposite. When we cannot see a way to love someone as they show themselves to be, then we deliberately separate ourselves from that person as a defense mechanism (pastor called it avoidance). It may just be we need to separate ourselves from them because we have not mastered that aspect of love yet. So for their sakes, do not be around me for too long because I am liable to respond to your behavior with impatience and unkindness (among other things). It’s the two-way street of guarding our heart from the outside in as well as the inside out that pastor spoke of. Once I have a better handle on my love deficit, then I am better able to handle a closer relationship with the culprit.
- Be honest with myself – Consider again if I really have tried to form genuine relationships with folks or if it is only out of convenience that I interact with them to fill a void. Check my motives.
- Build up my tolerance – It’s about having a type of relationship instead of forbidding interaction at all (as was my custom). Cutting people off completely inevitably decreases the amount of love I give that person.
Do Not Be Fooled
Realize church strife is a trick of the enemy. It is a combination of (a) our misplaced expectations of each other, (b) seeds of discord sown among the brethren, and (c) walls put up in defense. This three-pronged assault against believers makes it seem like world folks are easier to deal with than church folks, but that’s because the enemy wants access to us through his worldly employees (term source: Pastor Akoh) who come as wolves in sheep’s clothing to wreak havoc in our lives once they gain entry. How do you know them? Do they bring us closer to Jesus or further away? Do they isolate us from the iron that sharpens us? Are you seasoning them or are they changing the taste of you, the salt of the Earth?
Mickey Noella
Oh, and another thing...Let us not be so quick to give world folks more grace than our own Christ family by saying, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” What about also saying of each other, “I forgive you even though you DO know what you do.”
